Snow.

My dearest Barren,

The first day of spring has come and gone for nearly a month. Here in rural northern Indiana, it's snowing. Yes. Snowing. It's unusual in the least, even for us who are used to winter clinging to every chilled day. I won't mention how gardening will probably be delayed because of winter's act of defiance. Now I say all this due to a revelation of sorts I had.

Psalm 39:7 
And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in thee. 
Among my personal struggles lately, I feel anxious, unsettled, and just unsatisfied. It's like all I am doing is waiting for nothing. Much like my newlywed years of trying to have our first child. Waiting and waiting; only to be disappointed yet again or worse to have the hope of a child only to loose the baby early on.
This morning God answered a prayer I have had for a couple weeks. His answer was not an easy one.

Wait.

Wait? Wait for what? How will I know the wait is over? What happens if I miss it?
'No' would have been much easier for me to take than 'wait'. As of now in my life there is a lot of waiting. Waiting for insurance. Waiting on appointments. Waiting on finance. Waiting on the weather to get some fresh air.
But it struck me hard today. What if I would have prayed and learned God wanted me to wait to have children? What if I had waited? I would have been spared the heartache, the PPD, the change in attitude, all the things which have put me here today. I believe God showed great love, mercy, and patience with me during my struggles and today He reminded why it's so important to wait for Him.
Our timing is not God's timing. While we may think we know what is best or what will bring us the most joy, truly we do not.
Just as snow falling in mid-April, all we can do is wait for it to stop then warm up.
Instead of getting bitter at God for being barren I challenge you to pray and listen to God. What is His will for you? Is it to wait?

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