Barren Fruit Quest

I haven't forgotten you. 
When I had the purpose in my heart to create this blog, I was broken and barren. Many of you can all too easily relate. I stopped blogging intentionally. January 2015 held a blessing for my husband and I. Our healthy baby boy was born in September that year. 
I ached to share God's immense blessing. But knowing all too well the trials, us barren have faced, I couldn't bring myself to. Not to barren women whose greatest grief was to never know their own children. 
Barren Fruit has always settled in the back of my mind, nagging at me. There are hurting women who could use encouragement as I wish I had during my struggle. They don't need placid comments, "Time will heal", "Your time will come" ,"It'll be okay", and the worst: "I'm sorry". All the off-hand "sentiments" people say with the apathetic pat on the arm. No. They never helped me and I know of other barren whom stated the same. I understand in a way, they are trying to comfort us, but what they don't realize is their words offer no help nor comfort. 
My message today is there is and will always be a struggle. Even when once overcome the same struggle will still appear in your life. God has a purpose for this. Ask yourself: what is God trying to teach me? Did I miss something from the last time this happened? 
Even now, I struggle. I'll admit. My struggle has changed and progressed but it is very real. April 2017 we lost another baby. This makes three confirmed, (I suspected another miscarriage close to my first one, many years ago making it a total of four) miscarriages. Although I have a healthy toddler, is quite clear God has greater plans than my own in regards to children.
In God's infinite mercy and love He covered my heart. The second time in my life I have felt Him shelter me from a storm. After a week of grieving, God restored peace in my heart. He is the ultimate Healer after all. Although the same situations I wrote about before are present. There are many extended family having children at will and I'm constantly surrounded by a newborn. Yet I feel the difference. God has muffled much of my pain and struggle so I may be used by Him. He has also blessed me with a doctor full of wisdom to heal my body. That'll be in my next post. 
I want to encourage you my dearest Barren Fruit. With all my heart, I believe God's will for you is perfect. He has started a great work in you. You have the hardest task of trusting Him. 

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