My Barren Fruit

My Dearest Barren, Do you know what I find interesting? We have a God so big, powerful, and wonderful that He promises to be there in our time of need. I've been in a lot of prayer lately. (I really do love it.) If only I could come to the throne for the sake of coming to the throne instead of needing  to come to the throne. Am I making sense? Do you understand what I mean? I'm praying more because of simple circumstance; although my prayers are still sincere and my heart is truly in them. I can't help but to think, why haven't I done this more out of basic desire to communicate with my God? What started this whole process of questioning was a verse in Hebrews. "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in of need."  Hebrews 4:16   You see, I have been "judging" and berating myself for praying in circumstance when really God wants us to come to Him in our times of need. This is m...

My Dearest Barren, I have something special to talk about in this new year. Charity. For those unfamiliar with the KJV: the word charity is often switched with the word love. In other bible versions you will notice the change. Also in the "archived" definition of charity you will find: 'love of humankind, typically in a Christian context. "faith, hope, and charity"' So how does all of this fit with being Barren? Charity relates in many ways to Barren but for now I want to focus on one aspect. Colossians 3:12-14 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity , which is the bond of perfectness. Put on charity, my dearest Barren, to show the world you are different; to show the world Christ ...

Psalm 34:17-19 17. The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.  18. The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of contrite spirit.  19. Many are the afflictions of the righteous:but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.  My dearest Barren, We are coming upon more festive holidays, the celebration of our beloved Savior the most important one of them all. I know it has been long since my post. I apologize and ask your forgiveness. Now let us discuss this precious piece of scripture. This selection has upheld my spirit recently. With the many changes occurring at home and our finance, oh how I have cherished this Psalm. It's beautifully written just for you too. We become righteous by faith. Yes, simply believing without a doubt is what gives us righteousness. (There are many versus in Romans pertaining to this: Romans 3:22, 4:3, 5, 6,9,22)  The good Lord will deliver you from ...

My Dearest Barren, I have something interesting to share with you. Today while reading my Scripture, this verse came up: And He spoke a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always pray, and not to faint; Luke  18: 1  What is so interesting you may ask? This same verse appeared the other day. By random selection and all the math formulas in the world, the same verse should never be selected especially within the time frame of one week. Is this a coincidental? I do not believe so. I believe the good Lord is trying to reach me. It's true my Christian struggle is praying. I know I do not pray enough. I will heed this "sign" and spend more time in pray. We all should strive to pray and not to faint. I challenge you my dearest Barren to pray just one more prayer today. I won't bother to point out it could save your sanity during the holidays while all those awkward and hurtful subjects come into the light. Maybe turn it over to the Light in prayer and rest ...

My Dearest Barren, The end of the year is upon us and it is the time to be discussing gifts. While I mostly blunder through because I dread picking out gifts for others. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to give to others...I just don't like the mind wrenching process to get there. I came across this passage which reminds me of God's infinite wisdom, grace, and gifts. "If ye, then, being evil, know how to give goods gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him ?"  --Luke 11:13 KJV  Pretty profound. Since the fall of Adam, we are born with sin nature and therefore evil. But God's grace is much greater. In this passage of Luke, if we simply ask for the Holy Spirit and guidance, God promises it, freely gives it as a gift. How amazing! What really struck me was right in the middle to the end. "How much more" it says. God's supply is limitless. He can give us more than we ever dreamed if ...

My dearest Barren, Guilt. It's a common feeling for humans. We feel guilty because we snapped after seeing that third pregnancy announcement. We feel guilty because we shouldn't hurt so much yet we do. We feel guilty when we don't go to that baby shower or pass on holding the newborn in the family. We feel guilty when we cause strain on our relationships and don't know how to fix things. My guilt came when I was leaving the church nursery, where children stay until the age of three. The sweetest lady is the nursery director and she puts so much into her ministry. She cannot have children and is now past (not the power of God but) her prime. My affectionate toddler held out his hands to give her a hug (for the second time before leaving). She scooped him up and he wrapped his arms so tight around her neck. She slowly closes her eyes then looks to me. It that sweet and tender moment I could feel her thoughts, you are so blessed. A pain shot through me. Guilt. Heartach...

My Dearest Barren, Something happened today. I was on facebook, (not work related; I manage a facebook page as a Virtual Assistant) and BAM. My cousin is eight months pregnant and she looks amazing. She hardly looks six months pregnant. Her due date is late December. That's exactly where I should be. If I hadn't miscarried in April I would be eight months pregnant now. My heaven baby was due December 20th. The hurt is so very real and raw. Even though I feel God's immense love and grace over my heart I still want to cry my eyes out. I know God's reason for taking the baby was far more important than for us to keep the baby. It's been settled but why did this wave of sadness rush over me? Is it because I'm human and imperfect? Is it because I want to wallow in my heartache? Is it a little bit of all the above? Possibly. Am I a present day Peter when stepping onto the water couldn't keep her eyes on the Lord and His will in my life? Yes. Very much so. For...